


dishwasher safe

by quietlyposts



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Bottom!Dan, M/M, Sex Toys, Voyeurism, dan's a tease, phil sits in the buttchair while dan plays with himself, phil's embarressed
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-23
Updated: 2015-11-23
Packaged: 2018-05-03 00:44:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,563
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5270162
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/quietlyposts/pseuds/quietlyposts
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>prompt: the guy at the sex store told me that my new dildo was dishwasher safe and you’re my poor, traumatized roommate.</p>
            </blockquote>





	dishwasher safe

Phil blinked down at the top rack of his dishwasher, eyes drifting slowly closed and open again, lips parting slightly in surprise. He lifted one hand to rub at his tired eyes, yawning involuntarily, full coffee kettle growing heavy in his left hand. He reached forward to set in on the counter, running both his hands through his hair. He leaned forward and rested both hands on the kitchen counter, eyes sliding to stare again at the light blue object in the top rack of the dishwasher. His sleepy, coffee-lacking brain could not comprehend what, exactly, it was he was looking at. Although, that wasn’t exactly accurate, he knew exactly what he was looking at; it was a dildo. It was a bright blue dildo, bigger than Phil thought a dildo would be, he didn’t actually have any experience with any, and it was realistic; had veins and balls. And a suction cup. No, more accurately, Phil did not know why he was looking at a dildo. A dildo in his dishwasher. Dildos were not for food, were not dishes, and should not be in his dishwasher. Phil also wasn’t sure how exactly a large, realistic, blue dildo got into his dishwasher. Or when. Last night before bed, Phil had loaded up the dishwasher with all his dirty dishes, including his favorite E.T. mug, and yet they were gone. All the dishes were gone from the dishwasher, and all that was left was a dildo. A dildo in his dishwasher.

“Dildowasher?” Phil said aloud, and it sounded more ridiculous coming from his lips than it had in his thoughts.

Phil was still staring down on it from his position of leaning in the counter when he heard Dan open his bedroom door, pause, then carefully creep down the hallway. Phil thought, maybe, Dan was playing a prank on him. Maybe- just maybe- this was some weird joke. A reference he didn’t get? Or-or maybe it was a meme? Phil couldn’t remember ever seeing a huge blue dildo meme. He heard Dan yawn in the hallway, and wondered why he was up so early. Dan never got up early, Phil was always up first. Why was Dan awake early? Was he coming to see the results of his blue dildo prank? He was moving awfully slowly and quietly for someone coming to see the results of a blue dildo prank. Phil heard Dan enter the room and slowly turned his gaze away from the dishwasher and over to his roommate, eyebrows furrowed.

“Good morning, Dan.” Phil said, and his voice sounded far away and confused to his own ears. Phil felt more confused when Dan jumped, and his eyes darted frantically to the dishwasher. Dan saw it was open, paled, and then immediately flushed, a bright, deep pink.

“Phil! I- good mor- why are you up- did you see- it’s nothing, really- I, uh, don’t look!” Dan’s voice grew higher in pitch and louder the more he stammered, and then he jerkily stepped forward, grabbed the dildo from the dishwasher, slammed it shut, and stumbled backwards out of the kitchen.

“Dan?” Phil was even more confused, and his mind was racing.

“Your mug is in the cabinet!” Dan yelped, and then he was gone, half running back to his room and slamming the door. 

Phil blinked, once, then twice, and then he turned slowly on his heel and opened up the glasses cabinet. He grabbed his E.T. mug, filled it with coffee, and went to sit in front of the TV. He thought now might be a good time to get his facts straight. Fact one; There was a dildo in his dishwasher. Fact two; The dildo was put there by Dan. Fact three; it was a dildo owned by Dan. Fact four; it was not a prank. This was fine, Phil could handle this. Dan was a sexually active adult, he could own a dildo if he wanted to. He- he would have to ask him not to keep it in the kitchen, of course, but- this was totally normal, and Phil was fine.

*

Phil is not fine, not by a long shot. It’s been three days, and all the think about every waking moment was the dildo. Dan’s dildo. Every time he looks at Dan’s strong hands, gesticulating wildly, he imagines them wrapped around thick, bright silicone. Or every time Dan runs his tongue over his plump bottom lip, Phil imagines his mouth stretched wide against the blue. The images race through his head, spinning into full fantasies in his mind, and all he think about is the dildo resting innocently in Dan’s top drawer instead of the dishwasher’s drawer. 

It’s early morning, later than it had been on That Morning, around 11am, and they’re sitting on the couch, watching television and finishing breakfast. Phil stares down at the E.T. mug in his hands, and feels his heart start to race. Dan is taping his spoon against his lower lip, absently, and Phil watches as the metal falls away from his mouth, and he knows that Dan has sensed his staring. Phil raises his eyes to meet Dan’s, and notices that Dan’s cheeks are flushed again.

“I- I’m really sorry about, uh, the other morning. I- the guy at the store said it was the best way to clean it, and I…” Dan pauses, clears his throat, “I cleared it out first, so…”

Phil blink rapidly, twice, as he realizes what Dan is talking about. He open his mouth to tell him it’s okay, he doesn’t need to apologize, he doesn’t mind.

“I think it’s hot.” Phil says, and then he’s blushing too, and Dan stares at him for a few heartbeats.

“What?” Dan is staring at him, incredulous, and Phil clears his throat, too. 

“I’m not- If I’m acting strange, it’s not because I’m angry at you, or, uh, disgusted. I think it’s hot. So, uhm, I’m sorry too, I guess.” Phil rubs the back of his hand over his mouth, shifts his coffee cup between his hands. 

“You do?” Dan asks a question, but Phil can hear in his voice that he doesn’t actually need an answer. Dan sets his cereal bowl on their coffee table, and then reaches forward and takes Phil’s mug from him. Phil stares down at his now empty hands, and then brings his gaze back up to meet Dan’s. Dan’s smirking, his eyes glittering with mischief, and then he’s crawling toward Phil, into Phil’s lap. Phil stares up at him with wide eyes, his hands still hovering in the air between them, until Dan takes each hand by the wrist, pulling one to settle on his hip and lifting the other to rest on his neck. 

“Wanna hear something even hotter?” Dan says, voice low and smooth, and Phil nods, lips parting so that he can nervously run his tongue over them. Dan’s hands settle on his shoulder, and he leans forward, lips barely grazing over Phil’s ear.

“I pretend it’s you.” His breath ghosts over Phil’s ear, sends shivers up Phil’s spine. One of Dan’s hands lifts and strokes over Phil’s face, feeling out his cheekbones and jawline and the curve of his upper lip without looking.

“I slide my fingers into my mouth, get them nice and wet and slick, and pretend that they’re your fingers. I stretch myself out, slow and careful, and then I close my eyes and I sink down onto that dildo, and imagine that it’s your dick that filling me up instead, that it’s your hand squeezing my thigh instead of mine. And when I come without ever touching my dick, it’s because of you.” Dan’s voice gets lower as he speaks, breathier, and when his fingers run over Phil’s lip again, Phil darts his tongue out to meet them.

Phil’s hands tighten where they rest on Dan’s body, then he slides the hand on Dan’s neck up into his hair, and tugs gently so the Dan pulls back from Phil’s ear. Phil pulls him forward and presses their mouths together. They meet gentle and easy, lips already parted and tongues meeting instantly. Dan licks his way into Phil’s mouth, whining, and Phil’s hand clenches in his hair. 

“Show me.” Phil pulls back minutely to murmur against Dan’s lips, then resumes kissing him before Dan can answer. Dan slides reluctantly from Phil’s lap, biting his lip when Phil trails his hands down Dan’s body as he stands. They tangle their fingers together, and Phil allows himself to be lead down the hallway.

When they enter Dan’s bedroom, he wastes no time wrenching over his top drawer and shuffling his underwear out of the way to reach the back of it, pulling forward a small black box and pulling out a tall bottle of lube and the same dildo that’s been plaguing Phil’s thoughts. Phil can’t stop the groan in his throat at the sight. Phil drags Dan’s butt chair away from his desk, flipping it around to face the bed and sinking down onto it. Dan climbs onto his bed, and for the first time that night, he looks a little nervous. He sits cross-legged on his bed, biting his lip and staring down at the items in front of him. Phil stands, and Dan’s gaze flies up to stare at him through his eyelashes. Phil takes Dan’s face in his hands, thumbs stroking over his cheekbones. He kisses him, pushing all his emotion and desire and need into it as clearly as he can, and then he pulls away, looks deeply into his eyes. 

“You don’t have to do this.” Phil keeps his tone light, but firm. Dan smiles, eyes crinkling, and Phil smiles back, giddy excitement rising in his chest as he sinks back into the chair. He settles back against the firm plastic, knees splayed, and leans back. 

Dan lifts his hand and runs his thumb over his bottom lip, dragging it down and sliding it into his mouth. He thrusts it in and out, mouth falling open as his other hand lifts to play with a nipple through his shirt. Phil can see his thumb press into his tongue, putting weight on it like it there something bigger, heavier, in his mouth. Phil feels the back of his neck flush, cock twitching in his pants, as he watches Dan shift from his thumb to his middle and ring fingers. Dan reaches down and palms at his cock, sucking noisily on his fingers, and then risings up on his knees, pushing his pajama pants down hastily. His cock springs forth, nude, bobbing lightly from the weight of it; no underwear. Dan reaches out and fumbles with the cap of the bottle of lube, fingers slipping over the surface. Phil’s fingers touch Dan’s and Dan whimpers around his fingers, and Phil pops open the bottle for him. Dan pulls his fingers from his mouth, stretching them out toward Phil, and Phil admires the glisten of saliva on them for a moment before squirting a bit of lube onto them. He sits back onto his bare ass, shimmying out of his pants, and Phil abandons the lube on the bed to yank those off his ankles. Phil grazes his fingers over Dan’s thighs, reveling in the goosebumps that pop up along the soft, pale flesh. Phil leans back again, reaching to pull down his own pants and boxers, kicking them away carelessly. Dan’s hands slid to reach behind him, and Phil watched the way his thighs tensed and relaxed, the shift of tendons in his wrist, but mostly the way pleasure played across his face; eyelids fluttering, mouth falling open, breath coming in shallow pants. 

Phil let his fingers play over his cock, teasingly light, before pulling away and slicking up the pretty blue dildo with a generous amount of lube. He titled it to rest gently on Dan’s inner thigh, sliding his fingers up and down Dan’s own cock, rubbing into the head, before pulling away to slick up his own cock with the leftover lube on his hand. Dan moaned out again, shakily, and pulled his carefully from his stretched out hole, grabbing the dildo clumsily by the balls and positioning it under himself. Phil’s fingers tightened around his cock as he watch the thick head of the dildo nestle between Dan’s ass, the boy biting his lip and she slowly sank back down into it. He hesitated for a moment, shifting back and forth and then sinking down a bit more, breath catching with gasp. His eyes fluttered open to meet Phil’s, half lidded and blown with lust, breaking Phil’s gaze to watch the other’s hand pump his cock. Just as their eyes met again, Dan sank the rest of the way down onto the dildo, hands coming to rest on his thighs, fingernails digging into the soft flesh there. Phil’s strokes began again with a vigor, hand slick from the lube he got a thrill from knowing Dan used often, thinking of him. Dan’s hips began to roll, in a practiced motion, gasping out little whimpers as he did. Phil bit down hard on his bottom lip, eyes fluttering as he tried to keep them from closing, not wanting to miss any tiny shift on Dan’s face. 

“Ph-Phil, fuck.” Dan sank back down again, crying out, throwing his head back. 

Phil’s hand stuttered on his cock, squeezing, and then he was coming, hard enough that he tilted Dan’s chair back a bit and to jerk forward to keep from toppling over. He surged up, grasping the back of Dan’s head with his clean hand and smashing their lips together, his other hand reaching down to stroke Dan’s cock. His strokes were eased by the leftover lube and his own cum, and he groaned into Dan’s mouth at the thought. Dan’s moans picked up in volume and frequency the faster Phil stroked, and Dan’s bouncing forced their lips apart teasingly, only to push them together with more force as he lifted back up. Dan lifted up on his knees, hands lifting to tangle in Phil’s hair, using the leverage to keep their mouths together as he sank down on last time. The final push of the dildo inside him, with Phil’s warm mouth on his, and slick hand on his cock, was all Dan needed and he came with a sob, hands clenching in Phil’s hair. Phil wrapped his arms around Dan’s torso, helping him left up so that he could ease the dildo out from inside himself, and then layer him back against the bed carefully. He set the lube and dildo on Dan’s bedside table, and reached down to clean his hands off on his pajama pants. 

“Do you want to get cleaned up?” Dan shook his head, still panting, though his nose wrinkled when he spied the sex toy resting on his table. Phil pulled the pants up to swipe over Dan’s lower stomach, then tossed them aside. He climbed up into the bed, spooning Dan close and nuzzling his nose into the nape of Dan’s neck. 

“We’ll clean up in the morning… afternoon? After a nap.” Dan mumbled, resting his hands over Phil’s and craning his neck back to press kisses across Phil’s face, eyes mostly shut already.

“Just… just not in the dishwasher this time, okay.”


End file.
